CREATIVITY OR THE LACK THERE OF

"The pursuit of money as a means to anything usually means (almost always means) that someone, somewhere, at least momentarily, has taken their "eye" off of what it is they really want. Sound like someone you know?"

Yes, ME!  i get these emails daily from Notes from the Universe by Tom Dooley. because i like to be inspired on a daily basis. But this one was too coincidental, too prophetic; synchronicity at its best.

I had a long discussion with my dear friend quite a few days ago, and we both came to the conclusion that, even after all these years of being creative and living here on the farm, I am lacking. I LOVE this farm with all my heart and soul, all the gardening, the cheese making, the animal husbandry, all of it.  But i have felt such lack of time for me to create, to be who I really am: an artist.  I know one can be creative in their daily lives with cooking and gardening and baking, or creating structures, all of that is fine, but as i go back and look through my journal entries and papers i have written for school, what i really miss is my art. My photography.  The daily life of a farm and trying to figure out how to make enough money to keep it going along, took away from what i really love to do.  I also realized that i am not practicing what i preach: as i tell all my coaching clients to live the life they truly want, i am not doing it completely myself.

Well it’s all about to change.  I have decided that the next 5 months will be dedicated to my creative photography.  No time thinking about how i can make this or that and sell it at market, or how I can make money here or there or create a new workshop or group coaching class, or retreat.  It will be just my camera and me: creating, entering art shows again, being in the moment with who i really am. Then time will tell me what it is I need to be doing with my life: creativity will always do this. It's all part of realizing the connection between creativity and our holistic health, or mental health.

I don't believe in resolutions, i believe in goals.  All i really want to do is be on my farm and play with my ponies and take images with my camera. Its time I do this. Oh, i will still be making cheese, because that has to be done (or the goats will explode - and that's not pretty), I will still be cooking (cuz i love food! especially good food) and i will be starting the garden: these things have to be done, but they don't have to be - just so i can make a buck.

a self portrait conte drawing i did back in 2001