Sunday, February 9, 2014


It's been a crazy year, I guess that's why I haven't written anything for 10 months.  But hey, I'm human and really I just don't want this blog to end up in the circular file of blogger-
dom so I am writing this one little post today.  Maybe I will have time in a couple weeks, who knows. And here's a cute kitty for you to admire.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013


Thinking about our cat Winky.  She's approaching a ripe old age for a cat.  She turned 14 years old on April 23rd.  I know this because that was the first date Bob and I had and I got her 6 weeks later.  I'll never forget the look on his face when I brought her over to his house.  I had gotten her from a friend that needed to get rid of the family of kittens that she had and me, being a sucker for a cute face, took one.  I had two cats already and a dog.  Bob looked at me and asked, "Do you know that having another cat is for life, right?  That's like another 15 years or so that you'll have to take care of her."

This was his prelude to our future life.  Good thing he got over it.  I mean we have had as many as 75 animals at once on this farm.

Again, I am a SUCKER for a cute face and helping people out when they need a new home for their animals.  I've taken in goats, cats, dogs, chickens, horses and ducks.  And loved everyone of them!  I would not change a thing.

Winky's been around a long time and has copped an attitude. Mostly because of her first experience in life when i brought her home to my house in Crystal Lake, Illinois when she was a little squirt. I set her down next to our dog Nigel and he immediately attacked her! Chased her around the house and tried to eat her alive.  She was never the same after that…Can't blame her there!

She was always stand offish for the most part, staying only with Sam and hanging with her best bud Fuzzy.  But when we moved here, she basically became the barn cat.

 Never came near the house.  An after Fuzzy died, she wouldn't even talk to us anymore.  Until this winter.  She decided that the house was a little bit warmer than my 55 degree studio or the -10 degree barn.  We let her in and she's been hanging ever since.  She knows and we know.  She's feeling her age.

Except for the other day when I caught her playing!!! She was playing with the window shade string.  Cute.  it lasted about 30 seconds, but she played!
Way to go Winky!

And she took over Cashew's beddy-bye basket!

Tuesday, April 30, 2013


Oh me oh my!  how I do love a little controversy!  and I love when you create something and somebody doesn't like it.  It's kinda cute, really.  Like when I was censored at my own Senior art show in  college.   I had a nude painting I had done for the show and someone complained to the president of the college that it was pornography so they had to take it down.  Yep, really.

So because we used words like "Holy crap!", "screw 'em",  and "damn" we were chastised by an old lady.  (and I was the one who said those things) Phew!  I feel like the proverbial Catholic school girl being rapped on the knuckles with a ruler by the head nun.  But I digress….

Read the article here.

Last week we also had our first public event, it was a blast and we got to drink vodka drinks and mix our own.  The competition was tough though.  Our table created the Whipped and Bloody which consisted of Pinnacle whipped key lime flavored vodka, pineapple juice, blood orange flavored liquor and a little cream.  It was Dee-Licious!  But the table that created the "Spring Breeze" (gag me with a spoon) won.

But it was fun none-the-less!  all this for having an opinion and writing it in the paper!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013


Yes, spring was spposed to be here on March 20th.  It's April and there seems to be no end in sight. Until yesterday!  It was a beautiful 45 degrees and the sun was shining!  I haven't been this happy in 6 months!

A few weeks ago I pulled into the driveway to find a new snowman in our yard.  I laughed hysterically for a moment after I read his sign:  "THE END IS NEAR!" Then I cried.  Because it was the end of March and there was still enough snow to build a snowman.  "Egads!  Will it ever end!" I sobbed.

Here is how it went:

then, I put this picture up on the Facebook page entitled, Meanwhile in Minnesota.  Next thing I know someone spent some Photoshop time with our snowman:
and enjoy the video:

Yesterday - it's felt like it was all over!  Well, until tomorrow when it snows again…. bah!  Humbug!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013


Yep another one.  This time I'm the one with two left feet.  I can do oh so many things, but dancing is not one of them!

The Chat

Thursday, April 4, 2013


No, I'm not.  Sometimes I am so taken aback by people when they complement me because I don't see myself in the same light they do.  I love that they are so happy for me!  Yet, i feel like maybe i am putting up a front to who I really am.  I mean I am pretty much an open book, I really don't have anything to hide and I pretty much do not care what people think of me (any bad things anyway). I'm just a normal person trying to live my life the best I can and not come out too damaged.

So with this being said, let's go back in time to Dawn at age 12.  That's when the whole depression thing started, or when I noticed it.  And I really noticed it. I was so depressed that thoughts of suicide where foremost in my mind.  I know, I don't seem like the type, and I no longer am, but I have to work really hard to make myself stay positive, this doesn't come naturally to me.  At least it does a little more now then it did in the past.  I eventually got over that depression, but I don't think ever fully.  I've been treated several times for depression and each time, after I feel good for a while, i go off the meds and think that mind over matter will keep me happy.  Well, that works, for a little bit, but pride is not something that will treat depression.  One can't talk themselves out of it, it is something that has to be treated whether with cognitive therapy, medication or a combination of both.  One time I was doing so well without the meds my therapist told me to get out of his office, that I didn't need him anymore - signed bill of good health!  Well, I was doing extremely well and I walked outta there feeling better than ever!

That lasted a couple years and again I found myself falling down the deep drain.  Problem is, with depression and with my silly pride, I try to make excuses that I am not sick, "It's this damn winter!" "Well if they wouldn't be so stupid!"  "I just need some down time."  "Once spring gets here and the sun is shining, I'll be much better." and the lists of excuses go on.  But when you find yourself starting to hate everyone for speaking to you, even though they are doing the things that they always do everyday and it's annoying the shit out of you, you don't want to get outta bed in the morning, only want to pull the covers over your head and lay there -just a little while more you think to yourself, or when you find that you make excuses for not feeling like doing something that you need to do, like take care of the animals or do the laundry (well, I don't have to do the laundry around here - Bob likes to do the laundry - I know!), or when the thing you love to do the most (like ride my horse) ends up being followed by, "Oh geez, it takes so long to saddle up and get to the park, that half my day is gone."

 No, that's not well, that's depression.  And the sad part is you don't really see yourself getting that bad, someone has to point it out to you,  again, pride. Pride because I have absolutely nothing to complain about, was my rational.  I am so blessed and lucky with all the things I am, have, experience, live with, be a apart of, live, work, all the love and friendship I have, what right to have to complain?  Which is why pride got in the way of reality.  If you complain, Dawn, then you are no better than they are.

Well, I was recently at this point.  I thought about it months earlier but it really became something to blame on this long winter and other things that happen in life, but it wasn't until it was brought to my attention that I realized I had let this get too far  - again.

I went to the doctor and hopefully things will look up in the next few weeks and I will back to normal (Not that that's really possible for a person like me ; ) )  but what hurts the most is the people I've hurt along the way, allowing my pride (I don't need drugs to be well, I can do this on my own! - bullshit!) to get in the way of functioning properly.  I've been impatient, short, and probably a bitch to a whole lot of people.  My patience runs short when I am depressed and I fall short of accomplishing things that need to get done. I put things off til the last minute, or make excuses.  I thought back to when this downward spiral was happening again and it must've started three to four years ago!  That's too long!  I remember saying and doing things that were reminiscent of a depressive state, and then blaming that on being too busy.  I remember having no patience ( I know, me?)  I also think back to how I've treated others and feel ashamed that I didn't get help earlier.

I am human.  I make mistakes.  I also suffer from depression.  And not that I am using it for an excuse, I'm using it to explain why I am who I am lately: a 'don't want to go out, I just want to stay home for once', and thinking to myself;  'I just want you to shut up', 'please just go away', 'leave me alone', 'I don't care about you or your problems.' I'm not the this type of person, so i knew something was going on, I was just too tired to notice.

I've worked very hard over the years on myself, I even went and got a masters degree in human development, trying to figure out people and myself better.  I practice everyday at becoming a better person and a better friend.  I always put myself in another person's shoes before or if I ever judge them, I find time to learn new things and seek out mental, physical and spiritual health.  And I've come along way since my pre-teen days, but I will always need to be seeking self improvement.  I will always be looking for another way to better myself in life. To become the best person I can be. For now, I have to swallow my pride and realize that the meds are not just a crutch to get me through the hard times, it has to be there all the time, like the armature of a home, without it, it will crumble.  and that doesn't have to be an ugly thing, just a necessary thing.

Again I want to apologize to anyone I've hurt along the way by letting my pride get in front of my necessary needs.

I am human.  I have rose from the ashes many times.  I like to joke and say I have a Doctorate in life and circumstance, which I do. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm not perfect, I'm just like everyone else.

See me in a month or two and you will see the real me.

Sunday, March 24, 2013


Yes, this winter is getting to me.  I wanna punch people in the face!  This statement came outta nowhere in this chat and it's still the funniest thing I've said in years.  I wonder though… is it really funny or is it one of those, "Guess you had to be there?"

Not sure.  Oh well!  Hope you find it amusing at least!  or that you can relate.

The Chat - they've got pet peeves up their sleeves!