THE CHAT - DANCING FOR THE ARTS

Yep another one.  This time I'm the one with two left feet.  I can do oh so many things, but dancing is not one of them!

The Chat

I'M NOT A PERFECT PERSON

No, I'm not.  Sometimes I am so taken aback by people when they complement me because I don't see myself in the same light they do.  I love that they are so happy for me!  Yet, i feel like maybe i am putting up a front to who I really am.  I mean I am pretty much an open book, I really don't have anything to hide and I pretty much do not care what people think of me (any bad things anyway). I'm just a normal person trying to live my life the best I can and not come out too damaged.

So with this being said, let's go back in time to Dawn at age 12.  That's when the whole depression thing started, or when I noticed it.  And I really noticed it. I was so depressed that thoughts of suicide where foremost in my mind.  I know, I don't seem like the type, and I no longer am, but I have to work really hard to make myself stay positive, this doesn't come naturally to me.  At least it does a little more now then it did in the past.  I eventually got over that depression, but I don't think ever fully.  I've been treated several times for depression and each time, after I feel good for a while, i go off the meds and think that mind over matter will keep me happy.  Well, that works, for a little bit, but pride is not something that will treat depression.  One can't talk themselves out of it, it is something that has to be treated whether with cognitive therapy, medication or a combination of both.  One time I was doing so well without the meds my therapist told me to get out of his office, that I didn't need him anymore - signed bill of good health!  Well, I was doing extremely well and I walked outta there feeling better than ever!

That lasted a couple years and again I found myself falling down the deep drain.  Problem is, with depression and with my silly pride, I try to make excuses that I am not sick, "It's this damn winter!" "Well if they wouldn't be so stupid!"  "I just need some down time."  "Once spring gets here and the sun is shining, I'll be much better." and the lists of excuses go on.  But when you find yourself starting to hate everyone for speaking to you, even though they are doing the things that they always do everyday and it's annoying the shit out of you, you don't want to get outta bed in the morning, only want to pull the covers over your head and lay there -just a little while more you think to yourself, or when you find that you make excuses for not feeling like doing something that you need to do, like take care of the animals or do the laundry (well, I don't have to do the laundry around here - Bob likes to do the laundry - I know!), or when the thing you love to do the most (like ride my horse) ends up being followed by, "Oh geez, it takes so long to saddle up and get to the park, that half my day is gone."

 No, that's not well, that's depression.  And the sad part is you don't really see yourself getting that bad, someone has to point it out to you,  again, pride. Pride because I have absolutely nothing to complain about, was my rational.  I am so blessed and lucky with all the things I am, have, experience, live with, be a apart of, live, work, all the love and friendship I have, what right to have to complain?  Which is why pride got in the way of reality.  If you complain, Dawn, then you are no better than they are.

Well, I was recently at this point.  I thought about it months earlier but it really became something to blame on this long winter and other things that happen in life, but it wasn't until it was brought to my attention that I realized I had let this get too far  - again.

I went to the doctor and hopefully things will look up in the next few weeks and I will back to normal (Not that that's really possible for a person like me ; ) )  but what hurts the most is the people I've hurt along the way, allowing my pride (I don't need drugs to be well, I can do this on my own! - bullshit!) to get in the way of functioning properly.  I've been impatient, short, and probably a bitch to a whole lot of people.  My patience runs short when I am depressed and I fall short of accomplishing things that need to get done. I put things off til the last minute, or make excuses.  I thought back to when this downward spiral was happening again and it must've started three to four years ago!  That's too long!  I remember saying and doing things that were reminiscent of a depressive state, and then blaming that on being too busy.  I remember having no patience ( I know, me?)  I also think back to how I've treated others and feel ashamed that I didn't get help earlier.

I am human.  I make mistakes.  I also suffer from depression.  And not that I am using it for an excuse, I'm using it to explain why I am who I am lately: a 'don't want to go out, I just want to stay home for once', and thinking to myself;  'I just want you to shut up', 'please just go away', 'leave me alone', 'I don't care about you or your problems.' I'm not the this type of person, so i knew something was going on, I was just too tired to notice.

I've worked very hard over the years on myself, I even went and got a masters degree in human development, trying to figure out people and myself better.  I practice everyday at becoming a better person and a better friend.  I always put myself in another person's shoes before or if I ever judge them, I find time to learn new things and seek out mental, physical and spiritual health.  And I've come along way since my pre-teen days, but I will always need to be seeking self improvement.  I will always be looking for another way to better myself in life. To become the best person I can be. For now, I have to swallow my pride and realize that the meds are not just a crutch to get me through the hard times, it has to be there all the time, like the armature of a home, without it, it will crumble.  and that doesn't have to be an ugly thing, just a necessary thing.

Again I want to apologize to anyone I've hurt along the way by letting my pride get in front of my necessary needs.

I am human.  I have rose from the ashes many times.  I like to joke and say I have a Doctorate in life and circumstance, which I do. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm not perfect, I'm just like everyone else.

See me in a month or two and you will see the real me.

THE CHAT - THIS TIME I PUNCH PEOPLE IN THE FACE!

Yes, this winter is getting to me.  I wanna punch people in the face!  This statement came outta nowhere in this chat and it's still the funniest thing I've said in years.  I wonder though… is it really funny or is it one of those, "Guess you had to be there?"

Not sure.  Oh well!  Hope you find it amusing at least!  or that you can relate.

The Chat - they've got pet peeves up their sleeves!

THE CHAT

Yep, here I am spouting my stuff…again.  But this time it's all about the love!

THE CHAT WITH JEN KOSKI

The other day we had a photo shoot done at the Post Bulletin so we could really promote the article.  Now there's a Facebook page and all us girls are talking.  Next month we even get to invite the public to CHAT with us at a wine tasting!  Wow, I'm one lucky girl!  I don't know how I can really chat about things that bother me because, well, nothing can bother me with a life like this!

Here's some of the pics from the shoot:

Joy Larson

Jen Koski

Jennifer Rand

Missie Freetly

Pam Whitfield

Tracy McCray

and you know who this crazy lady is

MAKING THE PECAN WHOLE WHEAT WAFFLES FOR ROCHESTER WOMEN MAGAZINE

One of the many privileges I have by working for Rochester Women magazine is that sometimes I get to  do the cooking (and eating) for one of the articles.  This issue I was fortunate enough to get to make the Pecan Whole Wheat waffles! This was an easy recipe and everyone that lives here agreed - these were awesome waffles!

This is a bonus step-by-step, not found in the article. I just figured that since I was able to make them for the finished images for the step-by-step article on making maple syrup (check out page 42-43),  I might as well do a step-by-step for making the waffles too. Bonus!!

So whip out your waffle maker and let's get started!

PECAN WHOLE WHEAT WAFFLES

Pecan-Whole Wheat Waffles

1 cup each all-purpose flour and whole wheat flour

4 tsp. sugar

2 tsp. baking powder

1 tsp. baking soda

½ tsp. salt

3 eggs, separated

2 cups buttermilk (or sour milk)

1/3 cup plus 1 Tbsp. butter, melted

1/3 cup chopped pecans, optional

Combine the dry ingredients in a medium bowl, stirring to mix through.

In a large bowl, whisk together the egg yolks, buttermilk and melted butter.


While stirring, gradually blend the dry ingredients into the liquid until no lumps remain.

In a small bowl, with an electric mixer, beat the egg whites to stiff peaks.


Fold whites and pecans into the batter.

Bake in a greased waffle iron until golden.

Find some fresh berries.
 and some local maple syrup..

and eat!

Pecan-Whole Wheat Waffles

1 cup each all-purpose flour and whole wheat flour

4 tsp. sugar

2 tsp. baking powder

1 tsp. baking soda

½ tsp. salt

3 eggs, separated

2 cups buttermilk (or sour milk)

1/3 cup plus 1 Tbsp. butter, melted

1/3 cup chopped pecans, optional

Combine the dry ingredients in a medium bowl, stirring to mix through. In a large bowl, whisk together the egg yolks, buttermilk and melted butter. While stirring, gradually blend the dry ingredients into the liquid until no lumps remain. In a small bowl, with an electric mixer, beat the egg whites to stiff peaks. Fold whites and pecans into the batter. Bake in a greased waffle iron until golden. Serve hot with maple syrup. Serves 6.

TIKI IS A GREAT POLE DANCER

Yes, this is Tiki.  Tiki came to us years ago after my beloved calico cat, Pip-squeak AKA Pippy, was killed.


One of the few nice things are neighbors have done for us is bring me Tiki a few days after the death.  They found her up north by their cabin when her mother went missing, all her kittens were following them around looking for a home.  So they thought that I would like a new cat since my kitty was killed by a car.  The neighbor said that she would keep her as a barn cat if I didn't want her, but of course, I can never refuse a cute face!  Only problem is I had just picked up two other kittens from down the road.

The ad said she had calicos, but all she had was orange tabbies.  So silly me, instead of just taking one tabby or none (I really wanted a calico again), I took two.

There is logic behind this.  When I was a little girl we had taken in a couple kittens that were litter mates, and all their lives they were the best of freinds, grooming each other and always playing together.  The love was so beautiful to watch!  So I always believe that when you get one cat you better get two and they better be siblings.

We've had a lot of cats over the years.

So I took Tiki home and I set her on the bed next to me that night.  She curled up into a ball and never moved, she was so grateful to have a bed and a home with love she just purred and purred all night long!

Now this was the thing about Tiki, she never was a very brave cat. She never would have made it as a barn cat. She never went outside and was just happy to be with you.  Then we got Happy.

Happy chased Tiki immediately accross the living room and Tiki ran downstairs never to appear on the main level ever again.  Maddie once said that the song, "Because of you"  is what Tiki is thinking to herself everyday down there. She hid in the basement for two years, until that fateful day when Happy was hit by a car and died.  I miss Happy, he was such an awesome dog!  He was sooo Happy all the time!  He had a reason to be: he was a in a cage for 9 months at the shelter. But that's a story for another day.

It took about three weeks before Tiki realized that Happy was no longer around, and she slowly started appearing at the top opf the stairs.  Then into the living room, then into the kitchen.

It took another year after that until she peeked her head out the doggie door.

Then about 6 months after that - I noticed her outside running around with the pig!  I also noticed that she would never venture out alone, she attached herself to the pig and the pig became her guardian. They've been friends for a long time.

Brave Tiki.  Now she is very brave and we tease her all the time about it.  Brave, brave Tiki! 

I'm not sure I like the brave Tiki.  She's kinda annoying sometimes.  I preferred the timid Tiki.

But how can you dislike inter-species love???

SHOW SEASON IS ABOUT TO BEGIN!

I can't believe it but it's been two years since we showed our horses! that is waaaay too long!  I miss it dearly but sometimes you have to be gone to be missed.  I miss it!  Now that my daughter Madison is living in L.A. I'll have the chance to show her horse this summer, which I am really excited about!  Max is an awesome horse and totally lives up to his registered name: User-Friendly Max!

Maddie and Max - isn't he just stunning!

And I will be showing my Arabian Khrome at a few Class A Arab shows.  Thanks to my daughter Samantha who will be training him and getting him ready to be the star I know he can be!

I've mostly used Khrome for trail riding, which is my utmost favorite thing to so with horses, and was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to break him a few years back.  I showed him a few times after I first broke him in walk/trot classes but this year Sam will take the reins and finish him to be a great show horse.  She's super good at training horses, both my girls are.  They trained all their horses and they succeeded well. I'm super excited!  He's just a beauty and no I am not biased!  He's a cute mover, cleans up well and is a great ride.

isn't he handsome??!!

Ok, sorry, all this horse terminology can get confusing.  So here's the easy explanation:

Class A shows:  there are different types of shows that you can show your horse in, one is open shows, meaning they are open to anyone, no registered horses required and beginner riders can enter, and then there are Class B shows which are a little higher up and then Class A shows for purebred horses.

Registered horses:  this is a horse that has 'papers' meaning registered through their breed affiliations.

Break a horse: means taking a horse at age of 2-3 and teaching it to be ridden.

Finishing a horse:  training a horse to be show quality, ie learning many different gaits (walk/trot/lope/canter), slowing him down (collecting), etc.

Cute/great mover: looks good trotting.

So today Sam and I moved our horses, Honor & Glory (barn name Honor) and Khrome by Khemo (barn name Khrome) from our barn down to our neighbor's farm.

Sam and Honor at the Badger Show in Milwaukee. Honor is just a beaut!!!

Barn name:  the name you call your horse on a regular basis - not his registered name.

Our neighbors  have an indoor arena to ride in and since we are expecting a good foot of snow or more in the next few days, we needed a place to ride and train because the first show is in three weeks!  Khrome won't be ready by then but Honor will be.

So because it is still so icy out I walked the horses the half mile down the road to our neighbors.  All the while Sam followed in the Durango. I needed the exercise. And the sunshine.  She suggested holding their lead ropes out the window while we drove and lead them that way but I knew better. That was just a wreck waiting to happen!

Wreck:  when a horse gets spooked (scared) at something and does something silly like take off, you fall off, you get hurt, the horse gets hurt or the horse rears up.

And of course Sam had to post this to Facebook.

What bothers me most is that my ass is almost as big as the horses!!

Geez, I need more exercise...