I left for the Boundary waters and a few days of camping on Sunday morning with my friend Laura. It was the perfect amount of time to be gone and the perfect time for solitude and reflection. Sometimes this farm can get the best of me, with all the responsibilities and things that need to be done everyday, twice a day, and things that have to be done, every day, twice a day, and things that should be done, every spring, summer and fall. So to get away and not have to worry about those things, to sit in silence and reflect on my blessings, it's something that I should be doing every month!
I got 60 beautiful, blessed hours: some hiking time, some quiet time, some fun time, some friendship time, some much needed sleep time and some very needed, utterly quiet, peacefully silent, alone time.
I sat along the shore of Lake Sawbill and felt the complete silence of the water, the slight stir of the wind in the trees, listened to the call of the loon, the scurrying of the red squirrels, smelled the rich piquant scent of the pine needles, and with all the tranquility of the place, gained several moments of clarity, peace and serenity:
As much as I have, as much as I give, I still forget to be grateful sometimes. I forget the good things in life that I have, and I wonder, why? Why and how can one walk through life on a daily basis and forget all the things that she is blessed with? How can one live in a life and not see the beauty in it? How can one just "go through the paces" and forget that she has so much??? SO many friends, such wonderful kids, such a perfect husband? I own a perfect, beautiful farm, with perfect, beautiful animals and perfect, beautiful land with perfect beautiful ...... well anyway, I do. I forget. I forget so often that I have to run away from reality in order to remember.
So I came home with a whole new attitude, and a whole new love for this silly little, burden ridden farm (and 800 emails) and now today I spent the whole morning out there thinking of all the things I could do! All the things that I longed for before but got burdened down by all the things that had to be done first.
For example, I am gonna make some hard cider with all the apples we collected (as soon as I find a juicer - I decided on a juicer instead of a cider press, less mess, cheaper), and I am gonna revamp my entire philosophy about Farmer's Market: I am gonna make Liquid Goat Milk Soap to sell and I am gonna grow some lavender in the garden, I'm gonna not think of the market as a pain in the ass anymore. Things like that.
Oh, and in my vision quest out there in the big woods, I asked for clarity to life's most fleeting question, "What is my purpose in life?" I got an answer from the almighty, but it's not repeatable. It can only be shown. It can only be seen, experienced and shared.
I know: I'm vague and mysterious, It's just who I am - deal with it.
Let's hope my re-new found love for this crazy place stays in place for a little while. Maybe I should just keep going up north on a monthly basis.
Although it's colder then bat shit up there in the winter, yes, colder then it is here.
Well, maybe then just during the warmer months.
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